The Dick Dilemma

When it comes to writing I’m an accidental procrastinator.  I don’t mean to be.  In truth I aim at writing prolific amounts of content and putting it all out there for the world to see.  But then that little voice pops in my head.  That voice that questions everything, seeking to undermine all confidence you ever had in yourself.

“Is that really how you wanted to say that?”

“Is that the best word you could come up with?”

“Do you know how much abuse you’re gonna get for saying THAT out loud?”

“You know what your readers are gonna do?  Huh?  Their gonna think you’ve got the IQ of a carrot and go fake farm on their iPhone!”

Its a powerful voice.

But every now and again you run across something that just gets your gander up, assuming you have a gander, and you have to comment.  This is one of those times.  Truthfully, its more like its happened/happening so often that pressure built within until the pressure gauge shattered as hot, glowing steam pipes popped violently from their fittings, melting the faces off everyone unfortunate enough to be near.

What I’m talking about is when a GOOD POINT is made but is completely ignored or, worse, attacked because the point was made in relation to a BAD THING.  The internet is flush with this phenomenon. My latest encounter with it was over at Chuck Wendig’s blog, terribleminds, when Chuck stepped in the #askELJames hashtag with the best of intentions and then couldn’t get it off his shoe.

In case you’re not sure how this phenomenon actually looks I’ll try to illustrate it for you.

Hitler says something dickish, as he’s wont to do, in his blog.  Then most of his readers not only point out his dickishness but do so dickishly.  Then one guy stands up and says, “Hey, we don’t have to be dicks about this.  There’s a better way to make our point!”  He is absolutely correct but he gets attacked for defending the OD (Original Dick), which he never did.  In reality what he was trying to do is nondickishly keep everyone who was offended by the aforementioned dickish behavior from looking like dicks themselves.  After all, who’s going to buy your anti-dick stance if you’re up on a soapbox being a dick?  And what does our good Samaritan get for his troubles?  Dick.

I get it.  I really do.  Dicks gets you pissed.  The two go hand in hand.  The problem here is if you respond to a dick by being a dick then all that happens is we have two dicks.  Then, usually, the two feed off each other’s dickishness and we end up with two ever growing dicks.  And that’s never a good thing (well, maybe not “never”…  I’ll leave that up to you folks individually).

The point here is that you can respond to a dick without losing your head.  Don’t let the dick get you all pumped up.  Instead of just shooting right off try counting to ten, or think about baseball, or whatever helps.  Then calmly and politely state your grievance with as much eloquence as you can muster.  You’ll look so much better to onlookers and your point will be heard.  Maybe not by the OD but by the people that matter.  Remember, dicks don’t matter, no matter how big they are.

And, yes, Hitler was a dick.  And he got fucked for it.  Karma.

What people need to realize is that not being a dick doesn’t mean you’re being a pussy. What it means is that, no matter how many dicks surround you, you are the bigger person.  And isn’t that how we all want to be known?

P.S.  WTF?!?  I can never post because of that little voice but this made the cut?  I feel the need to apologize on the voice’s behalf.